In lease negotiations you do not have to choose between being tough and preserving the relationship. The key is to separate two levels of the conversation: the level of facts and terms (rent, lease length, deadlines), where firmness is essential, and the level of the other side's needs and concerns, where there is room for empathy. Mixing the two ends either in lost trust or in concessions made simply to avoid tension. Before a difficult conversation, decide what is non-negotiable and check whether your reaction is driven by facts or by emotion.
When negotiating lease terms, you have probably felt more than once that you had to choose: either defend your position firmly or keep a good relationship with the other side. At times it can seem as though empathy and firmness are mutually exclusive.
It does not have to be that way. You can be a tough negotiator and, at the same time, someone who fully understands and accepts the other side. The key is knowing at which level of the conversation to be hard, and at which to be soft.
Two different levels of negotiation
Coaches often use a model known as the Dilts Pyramid (also called Robert Dilts' model of logical levels). It describes several levels at which a person operates: from environment and specific behaviours, through skills, to beliefs, values and identity. Each level influences the others, but they can be separated from one another.
Let us translate this into the language of negotiation. First, there is the level of facts and terms: the price per square metre, the lease length, the scope of the fit-out, the deadlines. At this level a hard stance is not only acceptable but often necessary. You represent your organisation's interests, and it is only natural that you fight for them.
There is, however, a second level: what matters to the other side, what drives them, what concerns and priorities they have. This level is closer to values and identity than to hard numbers. And this is precisely where there is room for mutual empathy.
Why this distinction matters
When a negotiator mixes these two levels, one of two things happens.
Either they defend the facts too hard at the expense of the relationship, leaving the other side feeling ignored as a person, not merely as a company representative. In the short term this may deliver a good result, but it often costs trust in the future.
Or they try too hard to keep the atmosphere pleasant and start giving ground on the facts just to avoid tension. That, in turn, leads to worse terms, which are hard to change later.
Separating the two levels lets you avoid both traps. You can say directly: “I understand that you want the lowest possible rent, but below this figure the deal no longer makes commercial sense for us”. The first part of the sentence shows that you understand where the other side's pressure comes from; the second sets a clear business boundary. One sentence does both at once, instead of forcing you to choose between empathy and toughness.
What this looks like in practice
A few questions worth asking yourself before a difficult negotiation:
- What is non-negotiable for me at the level of facts? Settle this before the meeting, so that you do not make excessive concessions in the heat of the moment.
- What matters to the other side at the human level? Is it time pressure, internal accountability, fear of making the wrong decision? Understanding this does not weaken your position - quite the opposite, it allows you to propose a solution that meets the needs of both sides.
- Is my reaction driven by the facts or by the emotion of the moment? Sometimes what we perceive as a difficulty is a reaction to the other side's tone of voice or way of communicating, not to the subject of the conversation itself. Separating the two helps you keep a cool head where it counts.
Empathy is not weakness
Treating empathy as the opposite of professionalism is one of the most common misconceptions in business negotiation. In reality, it is precisely understanding the other side that gives you the edge: it lets you anticipate their moves, propose a solution tailored to their real needs and build a relationship that outlasts a single deal.
Once you learn to separate the level of facts from the level of the person, you no longer have to choose between a good result and a good relationship. If you would like to talk about how this applies to your next negotiation, we will be glad to help.
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